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[Sandra]

The following questions and answers were collected from last
year's GCSE  exam results in Swindon. These are genuine responses!! (from 16
year olds)!


      Q: Name the four seasons.
    A: Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar.

    Q: Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe
    to drink.
     A: Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes
    large pollutant like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists.

    Q: How is dew formed?
    A: The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire.

    Q: What causes the tides in the oceans?
    A: The tides are a fight between the Earth and the Moon. All
    water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the
    moon, and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this
    fight.

    Q: What guarantees may a mortgage company insist on?
    A: If you are buying a house, they will insist you are well
    endowed.

    Q: In a democratic society, how important are elections?
    A: Very important. Sex can only happen when a male gets an
    election.

    Q: What are steroids?
    A: Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs.

    Q: What happens to your body as you age?
    A: When you get old, so do your bowels and you get
    intercontinental.

    Q: What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty?
    A: He says goodbye to his boyhood and looks forward to his
    adultery.

    Q: Name a major disease associated with cigarettes.
    A: Premature death.

    Q: What is artificial insemination?
    A: When the farmer does it to the bull instead of the cow.

    Q: How can you delay milk turning sour?
    A: Keep it in the cow. [He got an A]

    Q: How are the main parts of the body categorised? (e.g.
    abdomen)
    A: The body is consisted into three parts - the brainium, the
    borax the abdominal cavity. The branium contains the brain, the borax
    contains the heart and lungs, and the abdominal cavity contains the five
    bowels,
    A,E,I,O and U.

    Q: What is the Fibula?
    A: A small lie.

    Q: What does "varicose" mean?
    A: Nearby.

    Q: What is the most common form of birth control?
    A: Most people prevent contraception by wearing a condominium.

    Q: Give the meaning of the term "Caesarean Section."
    A: The caesarean section is a district in Rome.

    Q: What is a seizure?
    A: A Roman emperor.

    Q: What is a terminal illness?
    A: When you are sick at the airport

    Q: Give an example of a fungus. What is a characteristic
    feature?
    A: Mushrooms. They always grow in damp places and they look
    like umbrellas.

    Q: Use the word "judicious" in a sentence to show you
    understand its meaning.
    A: Hands that judicious can be soft as your face.

    Q: What does the word "benign" mean?
    A: Benign is what you will be after you be eight.

    Q: What is a turbine?
    A: Something an Arab or Sheik wears on his head

Is this the future???
 

[MaxBeta]

      

Those are really funny....though after I thought about..it's pretty scary!!

Q: How can you delay milk turning sour?
    A: Keep it in the cow. [He got an A]

Out of them all..this one may be an undiscovered Einstein.  I'd give out a A too!!

[Sandra]

That was a pretty clever answer

Q: Name the four seasons.
    A: Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar.

I'd have gone for
Frankie Valli,--Bob Gaudio, Tommy DeVito,and Nick Massi

[MaxBeta]

  Now I would've been stump on all the names..but it makes a great answer.

I'm wondering if some of these "students" were purposely trying to be comical..?  On a few questions..it does seem so.  But isn't it amazing what the human mind can "create" for an answer..when a "mind" depends on nothing but "blank" space to fill in something that makes sense only to them.  hehe   

[Sandra]

Now I would've been stump on all the names..but it makes a great answer.

I'm wondering if some of these "students" were purposely trying to be comical..?  On a few questions..it does seem so.  But isn't it amazing what the human mind can "create" for an answer..when a "mind" depends on nothing but "blank" space to fill in something that makes sense only to them.  hehe   

I had to google three of the names, I only knew Frankie Valli
I think some of them are deliberate, but then again----

[MaxBeta]

  "then again"  ..as for the kids today..what they have technologically..and just the pace of life.  No wonder..we can expect some really off the wall viewpoints and answers like this Quiz shows.   

I think the humor is great..but the reality is very serious.   

[Sandra]

Yeah, a lot of kids think that milk comes from the supermarket, a lot of kids have never seen a cow in their life, that's sad

[MaxBeta]

  With those Early Gateway Commercials.. some kids might've though PC's came from Cows..

That is truly sad.. I can't recall when enough of our current educational institutions had rudimentary Common Sense in their curriculum... DO you?
 

[Sandra]

Do they still have schools Max?
The way kids are these days you wouldn't be blamed for thinking not
Teachers have no control whatsoever over kids, when I was at school, we wouldn't dare answer back to a teacher, now teachers are being beaten up by students, it's a disgrace
Who can blame people for not wanting to go into that profession now

[MaxBeta]

  Yeah...One of my sisters teaches middle-school, and the horror stories she relates are astonishing.  She says...that it just worsens in the higher grades, and she's lucky teaching the younger group...at least fewer incidents. 

I agree the profession lacks any natural attraction...and will be difficult to fix.