I'm going to be so lonely!

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Die prematurely tonight!

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[City Builder]

My partner is taking our standard poodle away for 2 weeks to go visit her parents in San Francisco tommorrow, hence why Im still up at 2:12 in the morning (just can't sleep), so Im going to be all alone (except for the dalmatian and the lhasa apso, which at their ages are absolutely no company at all) for the next two weeks and don't have a clue what Im going to do with myself.

She wasn't going to take him with her, but said that she would like to and in a moment of weakness while out to dinner this week I said, "you know, if you really want to take him with you, you can".  Now Im regretting saying it SO much.

He's like our baby boy, and just goes everywhere with me.  We go to outdoor restaurants so that he can be with us, and when I go into Los Angeles on business I take him with me.  Heck I can't even go into the bathroom without him following me in there.

This will be the first time that he's going to be away from me since he was 6 weeks old when my partner took him up to see the parents earlier this year.  He's now a little over a year old and while they havn't even left yet, I miss them both already.

To be honest and all, I think I'll miss the dog more than my partner, (HEY, HEY, don't go thinking bad thoughts) because I can talk to her on the phone several times a day if we want to, but to lose my *shadow* for 2 weeks is just about unbearable.

She said that she wouldnt go *anywhere* without him up there, and I believe her, but I still think he's going to get upset that Im not around, but I do hope that they both have a great time, just wish I could go with them or that she would change her mind by morning and tell me that she's not going to take him with her.  Highly unlikely.

[Lengo]

Awwww... not to worry!  You're around plenty of people who love you here.

If you get really lonely, throw a party at the estate!  I'll come! 

Loenliness is all in the mind. I live entirely alone and at ties I get lonely, but for the most part 'tis better not to have someone demanding my attention. Just use the time for 'your own thing', and make quality time out of it. Cook yourself some nice meals. Refelct on the finer things. Treat yourself good. You might even enjoy a bubble bath! <-- them's for girls! Whatever. Try to appreciate your opportunites. Just think! Now you can stay up all night playing these silly computer games! 

If you get REALLY lonely... call me. You got my number (if you kept it).

Lengo sends CB a box of chocolates to cheer him up!

[City Builder]

Well, it was a really tough morning.  I finally went to bed at 4:45AM and got back up at 7:45 to find my partner packing all of her stuff (good God, she packs a huge amount of stuff to take for just 2 weeks).  I kept hoping that she would come around and see how sad that I was at not only being that she will be gone for 2 weeks but also my baby boy dog.  But she didn't.

Me being the big softy that I am, started tearing up and then she got all emotional too.  She's the more level headed one in this house so she had to reassure me that it was only for 2 weeks and that the baby boy would never be left alone for one minute.  If she couldnt take him with her, then she wasn't going.  I guess you can tell that we really love our dog(s) as much as a human child (which she can't have).

Anyway, I held it together while she backed out of the driveway, meanwhile the baby boy was staring out the window at me (Im guessing to wonder why I wasn't going with him) and as they pulled down the street I could see him in the back seat staring out the back glass at me.

Once they were out of site, I dashed back into the house and cryed like a little baby for at least 10 minutes.

Now Im trying not to think about it and will try not to count the days until they return.  Of course the 4 fingers of bourbon is helping a great deal right now.

I guess I can crank up the stereo now and get some *real* house uncluttering done over the next 2 weeks.  I think she'll come home and not recogonize the place. Im a total pack rat and every table in the house is my work surface whether that be real business work, or my hobbies.  Im sure she will appreciate coming home to a really spic and span little house.

Im the pack rat and she's the toast sweat(er).  I clutter everything up with my junk which while it doesnt drive her mad, but it does annoy her, and she takes toast out of the toaster oven and lays it on the counter to butter it instead of using a dish, so she gets toast sweat and crumbs on the counter and doesnt clean it up (we kind of have a deal, she does laundry and I do the cooking) and I think toast sweat and crumbs on a kitchen counter that I just cleaned a couple hours prior drives me pretty batty.

I kind of have to keep her out of the kitchen now because of the toast sweat and because she just constantly forgets to wring out the wet sponge and put it on it's drying rack that I bought specifically so that the sponge wouldnt get all smelly from being wet, but she constantly forgets to do that even though I pasted a 8x10 sign on the window above the sink with a giant black arrow saying "Please rinse and wring out sponge and put on the sponge rack", sometimes she does it and sometimes she doesnt.

And of course she has to keep me from doing the laundry because I will just grab up all the clothes, blacks and colors alike and throw them in the washer, set it to industrial scrubbing and this really really annoys her, so now we have the deal that I cook (because she can't cook anything but spagetti which she does better than anybody elses I've ever had) and she does the laundry.

I did get showered up and went down to Best Buy to kill some time, and was looking at the gaming section but there wasn't anything that I wanted so I ended up just buying another game time card for World of Warcraft even though my subscription doesnt run out until like May or June, so now it's good up until about August.  But World of Warcraft has it's expansion pack (The Burning Crusades) coming out on tuesday and we have two preorders in with the local EBGames store so at least I'll be able to finally jump ahead of her characters since she didn't take her laptop with her on this trip (silly wabbit).

It's time for another 4 fingers I think.

Oh, and I get to eat my favorite thing (Marie Calandars Chicken Pot pie) which Im not allowed to have when she's around due to the sodium, and I guess since I don't *have* to cook for anybody else maybe I'll be able to shed the 10 lbs that I want to get rid of.  It's hard to lose weight when you are cooking for someone else that is nowhere near being overweight, might even be a little under weight, unless you want to cook two seperate dishes, one bland and lowcal, and the other seasoned and high cal.

[MaxBeta]

   Thanks for the update CB keeping busy is a healthy way to endure solitude..well the bourbon does work it's own magic..hehe  Sounds like me..the chronic insomniac, secure aura within the comfort of some great adult beverages..then being surrounded by PCs that have your fav.game entertainment just a click away. 

I miss my doggy daughter too..she passed several years ago.  I have her ashes on the mantel..couldn't bring myself to replace her..just didn't sound right.  Like you she went EVERYwhere with me..for over a decade. So using the word "replace" is hard for me to comprehend.

[City Builder]

I guess what i am now is what I would have termed in a more polite way back in the early 80's as "whipped", we've been together for 10 years this coming June and have only been apart for about 4 months when we had some issues that we needed to work out between us, that was many years ago and havn't been seperated since.  So solitude is definately no longer my friend.

I use to love being alone before I met her, and never wanted anybody around me.  Now I hate being alone and not having her around me.

I inherited a worrier mentality from my grandmother very early on in life and worry about things that could be so far into the future that I really shouldnt worry about them.  For example, i worry about the day that we will be permanantly parted (death) and while I don't fear death on my part at all, I do worry about her death even if it's not going to happen for another 50 years, the fear of being alone at any age now really frightens me.  However I do my best to try not to think about such things.

She called me last night when she arrived at her sisters house.  She's staying at her sisters house to "babysit" her sisters children who are now 16 (the girl) and 18(the boy) and you would think that she could leave them alone now since one of them is 18 years old but apparently her sister is concerned about them fighting over things like who will get to use the car etc.  Im sure about any emergencys that might crop up as well.  Her sister works as the human resources head for Ebay and is leaving today for India for 2 weeks, hence why my partner is gone for two weeks.

Anyway she called last night and we talked for a short while, and she tried to console me about being alone here, and wanted to put our baby boy on the phone, but I said that it might just upset him since it would put in his mind that he could hear me but not see me so it might make him frustrated.

But Im not totally alone here, I've got our other 2 children here (the 9 year old dalmatian and the 15-17 year old lhasa apso) so they are getting some heavy attention from me right now.  I know Im a bad parent since we got Weston last xmas (christmas gift from my mother to us)  I just don't give much attention to the other two.

But they both kind of became her dogs over the past 10 years.  The lhasa apso I was given as a gift about 13 years ago and once my partner came into my life the lhasa (Ninja) swapped sides and became her dog.  Then a year or so after, we ended up going to the animal shelter and adopting Jessica (the dalmatian) and she was supposed to be my dog exclusively but sure enough Jessica became her dog too.

Weston on the other hand is still my dog and like I said he shadows me no matter where I am.  I know he's still my dog because when Im on the computer in the office and she's watching tele in the living room, then Weston stays in the office with me.  When I go to bed, Weston comes into the bedroom.  He'll shadow her to if Im not at home, but when Im at home he's my exclusive shadow.

So I played World of warcraft last night until about 11pm when I could barely keep my eyes open (thanks to the 8 fingers) and managed to get one of my characters up to level 23.  She put in an order to move her characters off the server that we are on to a new server because the old server that we were on was full all the time and we often got a message that we had to wait in que to login to the server.  I've transfered my characters (except 1) to the new server as well and will transfer the level 23 character tonight.  It takes about 5 days currently to move to a new server and the characters can't be played after putting in the transfer order so I didn't want to transfer all my characters at once hence I'd have nothing to play.

I suppose I could start playing 1701 or Caesar IV or CivCity: Rome again, but since the expansion to world of warcraft should be in my greedy hands on tuesday morning I didn't want to have no characters to play.  Although Im sure I'll start a new character with one of the new races that the expansion pack contains, but I really like to play the auction house on WOW, and you can't really play it without some gold to start off and all my gold is tied up in 2 characters right now, one thats in the process of being moved and my level 23 character.

I'm going to go into Los Angeles tommorrow instead of tuesday I think so that I can get the expansion pack when it arrives on tuesday morning, plus I kind of like to go into Los ANgeles for my business to visit the auto dealers, it gets me out of the house.

I've been trying to keep a normal schedule at home since I met this guy in the supermarket (he's the butcher) and we got chatting and he said that since I work from home my best bet is to set a work schedule and stick to it.  I used to work when I felt like it but being that I work from home then my home is now my work which after doing it for 9 or 10 years has become a problem.  So now I don't work at all on saturdays or sundays and hardly ever after 6pm during the week, but Im going to have to work today to reconcile the statements so that I can take them into LA tommorrow.  Normally I reconcile the statements on monday mornings and go into LA every other Tuesday but Im going to make an exception this time.

Okay, Im all typed out now, I think I need to find something to do today.  I'd like to go flying my model airplanes but it's too breezy out today and I have a near impossible task of not crashing when it's perfectly still outside so even a slight breeze would definately make it impossible not to crash.

Oh well, Im sure I'll cook something up to do today.  Even if it takes the help of Jack, which will probably get me motivated to start clearing the clutter and maybe even do a steam cleaning of the carpets in the living room.  It's way over due now.

[MaxBeta]

   Hey CB  I'm relieved that you have plenty of "tasks" to keep you busy.  I can appreciate your acknowlegement of needing "off"  time.. it is so easy to fall into the workaholic syndrome.

These upcoming two weeks will pass..and you'll have it safely tuck away in your experience bag. Take quality time for yourself..keep your three companions close by..hehe yes!! I counted right.

[Lengo]

CB, you rock!

Some people love dogs more than anything. That's a good thing -- having something that you really care about shows reverence.

Some people act tough, like it's no problem, and boil up trying to keep it all inside. That usually ends in disgrace and failure.

You're tougher than you think. You got a good thing going -- a dog who loves you, and woman who loves you.

Never fear my friend, for these things show that you have a devine protector looking out for you.

Now, enjoy yourself! Make your protector proud! And when your lady comes home and finds you've cleaned up the clutter, she's gonna shower you with love and attention. And you're gonna walk away from this experience grown wiser, stronger, and better'n ever!

I offer one caution. 8 fingers is a little much, and booze disables your connection to the truth. Dont get reliant on that stuff. It's killed many a man, even some of the best. Keep it reasonable -- all things in moderation.

I offer one growth hormone. For lack of a better word, pray. Take some time to just soak it all in with zero distractions. No lights. No background noise. Just peace. Lay under the stars or something. Relax, and get in touch with your mind and protector. That's a healer extraordinaire. It builds wisdom, confidence, and peace.

 

[City Builder]

Yup 8 fingers is a bit much for me now adays.  About a year and a half ago I quit drinking all together.  The 7 years prior to quiting drinking I was consuming a 750ml bottle of bourbon every single night.  I really don't know how Im still alive and it baffles my doctor as well.  Not that I did anything stupid like drinking and driving because I wont ever have more than 1 or 2 beers and go anywhere where I have to drive, but rather he and I am suprised that my liver just didn't give up on me after all those years of self medicating myself.

I was actually quite concerned about getting into the habbit of drinking again every night, but the past 2 nights I've only had 1 smaller drink each night and my mind of body said that was pretty much enough and I didn't want anymore.

You know sometimes you just like to tie one on every now and then.  Then the next morning when you feel like you were run over by a bus you remember why it is that you don't drink like that anymore.  I remember now!

I talked to my gal on friday morning, she wanted to know if she should be calling the vet that morning, something about how we were supposed to call the vet in 7 or 10 days and let him know how the boy is doing.  Which he's apparently doing very well, the ears are nice and clean and he's following her around the house like he's now her shadow.

The way that I look at booze and recreational drugs is that as long as they are done in moderation I have no quarrels with people that use them.  When I say recreational drugs Im speaking of things like pot, or hash etc.  Not hard core drugs like meth or coke.

But I personally havn't done anything other than booze for the past 7 or 8 years.  I've got a VERY addictive personality, and can get addicted to one thing or another at the drop of a hat, whether that be pot, alchohol or even things like video games or building and flying my model airplanes.  Thankfully I've also got a personality that can wake up one morning and say, "Okay, Im done doing xxxxxxx" and just stop whatever it was that I was doing, whether that be alchohol, pot, model airplanes etc.  So Im quite thankfull for that because my brother strugged with his drug addiction for about 25 years.  Now he's a minister for the scientology group and has founded a program that lets youths speak to other youths about drug addiction as well as does drug interventions to try to help people (as well as earn a living)  He's been clean now for about 2 years straight, and we're all hoping that it sticks this time around.

I was never able to understand his drug addiction and that he *couldn't* quit doing them when I could quit whenever I wanted to quit, I guess thats the difference between us.

So.....

Yesterday kept me real busy with my computer going down on me and the night prior I went to my dads birthday party which was really fun.

Ruta Lee was there in full form with her singing voice, there were a couple producers from some television shows and a couple writers who's fame stems from the "Dallas" series (they wrote almost every episode), and I got the fortune of being seated next to some Princess of Austria (though I can't even remotely remember who she is) who's a very chatty kathy (my better half would have loved talking to her) and she told me all about her life, and about the castle that they live in, in Austria's countryside.  It was a very entertaining evening to be sure.  Oh and "The Hammer" Fred Williamson was there too. 

He's always so quiet and moody, Im glad I didn't have to sit next to him else it would have been a very quiet conversation.

Heres the link to Fred's imdb info:
http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0004365/

[MaxBeta]

  Good to see you are having some diversion events to fill in your solitary time CB.

As for the alcohol consumption I'm on notice for extreme moderation...never had a real problem (rarely drank even socially most of my life), just age related deterioration, so I have to watch my intake..or else.

B'Day parties for a parent are always an adventure..and glad you had a great time. That's quite an assortment of guests...the conversations no matter how dull..you seemed to take it stride.  The first week has gone pretty well..huh?

[City Builder]

You know, it really has gone well.....

And.......

The icing on the cake is that Sammy just called me and told me that she has to pick up her sister from the airport tommorrow.  She's returning a week early because her subordinate that has taken her place for the past week is wigging out and Erin (Sammys sister) is concerned that her worker is going to quit without notice so she's coming back a week early.

So sammy said that she wanted to return tommorrow night but thought that it might be to hard to return by tommorrow night since she's got to pick up her sister tommorrow morning and still pack all of her (and our boys) stuff and drive back tommorrow so she said that by Tuesday at the latest she will be arriving home.  I'M ABSOLUTELY STOKED that she will be coming back almost a week early.

I hope the plans stay the same, Im really looking forward to seeing her tommorrow night or tuesday at the latest (knowing her, it will be Tuesday because she wants to see her brothers too), but tuesday is 5 days earlier than Sunday, so Im abosulely HAPPY at the thought of her returning 5 days early.

I told her that I started to straighten up the house and when I did I noticed that a lot of junk was hers, and she got all panicked that I had thrown out a bunch of her stuff, but I reassured her that I didn't but instead put it in "moving" boxes and put a date on it, and I told her that anything thats still in the box 1 year from the date (regardless if it's hers or mine) will have to be thrown out), she agreed.

So Im on a real high right now hoping that she can come home tommorrow night, but Tuesday at the latest.  Since this is my *off* week (meaning that I don't have to visit my auto dealership clients) I'll be here to see her when she arrives (as well as the boy).

She only had one problem while she was away....   Apparently when she got off the freeway in San Mateo, CA. she heard this obnoxious noise and thought it was *ricer* next to her.  For those that don't know, we call Honda's and those kinds of cars with *fart cants* (exhaust systems that are huge and obnoxiously loud).  As it turns out it was her own exhaust system.

She drives a 1981 Mercedez Benz diesel (and I keep trying to get her to get a new car, but she wants no part of it, she loves her old benz), and I gather that the shaking of the diesel motor when she starts it, wore out the exhaust pipes where they connect to the mufflers (sadly theres 2 mufflers) so she had to replace the exhaust system on her car for $397.00

Still I don't care about the money.....  Im just thrilled that she will be coming home earlier then planned.

How ever will I sleep tonight with these thoughts in my head.