80lbs gone in less than 6 months

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[City Builder]

Although my Doctor seems a tad concerned and wants me to take a blood test to ensure that I've not gone hyperthryoid, I couldn't be more pleased.

Less than 6 months ago I weighed myself at my Doctors office but refused to tell him how much I weighed as I was so embarrased about the weight gain that happened over a 1.5 to 2 year period of time.  However, today I went in to see my Doctor and before he came into the room I got on the scale and my mouth literally dropped open, since I had last weighed myself on this very same scale I have lost a total of 80 to 82 lbs.

When my Dr came into the exam room I asked him if the scale was broken so he got on it and said, "nope, that's what I weigh alright, why?"  And I told him that according to this scale I have lost 80+ pounds in less than 6 months.  And the funny thing is that I've not really been trying at all.  I still have a large bowl of ice cream maybe once or twice a week, we still eat pasta once a week, steaks, beef etc, and yet somehow I've managed to lose 80+ lbs.

So the doctor is very pleased and said that it could be that I don't deal with stress very well, what with my 4 and a half year old coming down with cancer and being diagnosed about 4 months ago and that could have caused this rapid weight loss, or maybe I've gone hyperthyroid as he said it's not unheard of.  I know that I've been losing weight as many of the clothes that I haven't worn in a couple years now fit me again and actually shirts are baggy, and shorts are falling off if I don't put a belt on, but I had no idea it was this much weight.

Fret not my friends, it's not like i'm wasting away by losing 80 pounds, I could still lose another 60 pounds and still be in the realm of safety, and while I feel like my insides are being torn apart about my dog with cancer as he truly is like our baby here, I am thrilled that I've lost this much weight.

Samantha said on her way out this afternoon after I told her, that she knows that I've been telling her that I feel like I've been losing some weight, she just didn't notice it until she stood there and looked at me when I got home from the doctor.  She's like "Your face is no longer round, your gut is tremendously smaller, your legs are smaller, yeah, I think you really have lost 80 lbs" and the sad thing is that it's taken this terrible illness of my baby boy Weston to lose the weight.

Although my blood pressure was a tad higher than normal at 120/90 it's not extreme.

Truly, I told the doc that I hope that I have gone hyperthyroid as for once in my life I would really like to continue to lose weight (im now about 8lbs llighter than i was about 11 years ago when Samantha and I met) and finally see what it's like to be one of the thinner people in life since I've been overweight my entire life from birth to now.

So... I'm pleased that I've shed so many pounds and just wanted to share it with my internet friends.

[pad11]

CB, I don't know what to say...while I'm super pumped about your weight loss (back in the day I was a bit rotund myself...now I'm almost obsessed w/ not going over a certain weight since I've lost all the extra poundage), I hope mostly that your son is okay...is everything okay my friend?

later,
pat!

[City Builder]

Hi Pat,
Yesterday was a good day for Weston.  He hadn't eaten much at all the previous 2 or 3 days.  We are fortunate that when Weston started the chemo therapy he put on nearly 30 pounds almost in the first month and a half thus boosting his weight from a low 42lbs when he was first diagnosed (and we figure the cancer had already been in his system about a week before he was diagnosed so he lost 12 lbs to take him down to that 42lbs) and jumped up to over 75lbs by the time that there was no more chemo therapy to apply.  So when he skips a day or two of eating, he's not wasting away any either like his dad..  Anyway, yesterday was a good day for him as he ate about a half pound of roast beef and almost a full pound of sliced chicken and we went for a walk in the early evening after the sun went down and the air cooled off.

Both Samantha and I seem to agree that it's quite likely that unless this next dose of chemo pills does something for him (he gets his next chemo pills tomorrow) then this week seems like it might be our last week with him and we'll have to take him into the vet for the final outcome.

I tell ya Pat, it's seriously tearing me apart inside, I've got this huge feeling of guilt just knowing that I'm going to have to issue the order to the vet later this week.  I mean seriously just tearing me apart right now.  My doctor tells me that this feeling will pass when it's actually time to take him into the vet and that I'll all of a sudden realize that it's for the best for him and won't have this tremendous guilt feeling on my shoulders afterwards but I just can't see that right now, maybe he's right, I hope that he's right, as I don't want to go around the rest of my life with the feeling of guilt that I had my boy put down.

Man, everytime that he hiccups, it just about makes me jump out of my skin since that seemed to be one of the first signs of the cancer when he was first diagnosed, he would get these whole body jerks little light ones, and now when he's sitting next to me on the sofa and gets the hiccups as they usually do, it just about makes me jump up thinking that the cancer is no longer in any sort of remission and that he's going to die with his head on my knee or something.  The vet warned us that we'd have good days and bad days and that when the bad days started to come in 3's more often than the good days that I'll start to feel like it's time to make that final visit.  Fortunately, this past bad two days is the first really bad days where he ate so very very little, I don't think he ate more than like a really thin slice of roast beef that couldn't have been more than a maybe 1/20th of a pound of beef.  And then the diahrea and vommiting set in and some small body twitches and shakes every now and then.  And yet he would always get up and head for the door everytime he seems me put my shoes on so we figured that while he doesn't feel all that great, he's not in any pain at the moment what with the help of the steroids.

Anyway as for me I just hope that I don't go on some binge after he's gone and put the weight back on as I know how food can be comforting in times of emotional distress for some people, it's not usually been my crutch, lazyness has, not wanting to go walking or hiking in many years now due to my own health issues, but have been trying to do it more often when ever it seems that Weston wants and is feeling up for a short romp around a few blocks here.  Last night we went about 3 or 4 blocks and he didn't get tired until the home stretch when we were on the final 100 feet up the hill to the house so as I say, it was a good day for him yesterday and I hope it continues into today.

It's hard with these kind of kids to know when they are simply being spoiled or when they really don't want something.  For example since the chemo started he's been on a diet of regular groceries like ground beef, and some vegetables that I cook up for him.  Well after I finally enticed him to eat some roast beef and sliced chicken he's now turning his nose up to anymore ground beef, and  no longer sits with his head on my knee when we are eating dinner waiting for pretty much half of what ever is on my plate, it seems he has now developed a liking to the roast beef and sliced chicken so I'll have to go out tomorrow and get some more for him.  I don't mind at this point if that's all he wants to eat, then so be it, it won't break us to buy the extra roast beef and chicken at the market every few days to keep it in stock in the fridge for him when he wants it.

Anyway, I'm keeping my fingers crossed that we have another couple good days if not more.  I'm really hoping that the next dose of the chemo pills that I'll give him tomorrow will help as it will be the second week for him on just the chemo pills.  The oncologist tried to alieve my feelings of guilt by letting us know that we've spent more than anybody he's ever had come into his office on chemo treatments for one of his patients knowing full well that for his type of cancer there is no cure, and we can only try to extend his life a while.

So, we've managed to extend his life by about 4 months thus far at the cost of (I hate to mention it, it sounds so crass) but at the cost of close to $6,000 for the monthly chemotherapy that he was receiving which was a intravenous type of chemotherapy that unfortunately never produced more than about 20 to 30 days remission, but which I'm grateful that the oncologist never went head over heels into the heavier chemo treatment right away so he kept Weston very healthy for those 4 months with absolutely no bad days, no vommiting and no other bad side effects, it just saddens me tremendously that the remissions never lasted more than 20 to 30 days per treatment.  But Weston does have a very agressive form of lymphoma (surely not spelled right) and happened to be unlucky that this is the one type of cancer that is not able to be cured and can only be put into remission to extend his life a while.

I'm greatful for the past extra 4 months that we've been able to keep him with us, almost every day has been a joyous day with hugs and kisses and occasional sleepouts on the pool deck which he seems to like a lot.  And we took him for one last swim in the pool about a week or two ago since he loves swimming with us and i picked up a video camera from best buy to film him swimming and just lazing around the house.

After he's gone he'll still be with me anytime that I'm at the computer as I've got a video that loops with him laying on my home office floor that I play full screen (actually like a desktop background) on my secondary monitor so anytime that I'm feeling exceptionally lonely I'll be able to look over at my other monitor and see that's he's never really left me, and is still laying at my feet as shown on the other monitor.

Okay, I'm going to go as I'm getting myself all weepy now.

Take care,

[pad11]

ah CB...just hang in there man...hang in there....

pat

[City Builder]

Here is a picture of Weston and his half sister, Penelope (they share the same mother).  Weston is the chocolate.

[Bluetop]

I admire your passion, CB, regarding your dog. I have 2 dogs (my wife's actually) that I have not bonded with after three years. And I probably will not. For a long time we had 2 dogs, a black lab and a German Shepard. The lab was my first dog with my wife. One day we took in a small stray who wanted to be top dog and even though she was tiny she was ruthless. She attacked our lab and tore her neck open and she attacked our shepherd and broke her rear leg socket which was already weak because of genetics. I put the shepherd and the "other one" down that week and the lab passed away a few months later (from old age). Since then I have not gotten close to dogs.

[Lengo]

This is great news! I am very happy to hear you've lost so much weight, but saddened by the news of Weston. I hope Weston's health gets better. you have my prayers on this. But I am delighted to hear you've lost 80 pounds. This is excellent news!

How is your pain? Is this now under better control too? What is the news on this front? I hope you're doing better. Let us know.

[City Builder]

Well, since elminating the extra 80lbs, the Dr and I have now eliminated the extra weight being the cause of the edema (swelling) in my body from sitting or standing for too long without laying down.  So the pain is about the same for me but is still being managed with the pain medications.

As for Weston, I'm sorry to say that it appears today is it.  Samantha is on her way back from Los Angeles where she went for a teaching job interview and when she gets back it seems we will be taking Weston in to see the vet at the clinic we've been going to for the past 4 1/2 months to have him put to sleep.   It pains me terribly right now, and my stomach is all turned inside out and it literally feels like my heart is breaking in two.

While he's been eating  a little bit here and there (two nights ago he at my entire steak for dinner and last night we had hot dogs and beans and he at all of my hot dogs cut into pieces) but he has no interest in eating canned dog food or puppy kibble.  He seems disoriented at times, slightly strange breathing, and his stomach has become enlarged over the past 2 days so we feel it's time before he starts to feel any pain to take care of it today or tomorrow morning.  I'm just on the computer with Weston laying on my feet right now waiting on Sammie to get home so that we can make the final decision whether it's tonight or tomorrow morning.

I think it's best tonight for me in that it gives me a night to cry it out since I've still got to go on living without him and do my regular work tomorrow so it might be easier for me to get the major portion of the crying underway.

Although I've been crying for the past 4 1/2 months at least a little each day when I think of losing him.  I didn't sleep much before he was diagnosed and I don't sleep at all hardly anymore and when I do I'm plagued with nightmares of losing my boy.

I'm really not sure how I can go on without him, it pains me so so terribly much.

[Lengo]

I know how hard it is on you, but it will be easier for him. It will be easier for you too, because once he is done suffering, yours will dissipate too. I'm sorry.

You can get another dog. It won't replace Weston, but a new puppy will bring you joy. It will bring your other dog joy too! Give this idea a thought. Perhaps you could name the new puppy Weston the Second. That would be an honor to Weston, and fond remembrances for you.


Know that I'll be thinking of you.

Lengo

[RhiannOn]

Gosh CB, I am so sorry to hear of your distress and Weston's illness.  My thoughts go out to you and Samantha as life has dished out these painfull hurdles to overcome.
Though having to put  your  pet down  is tremendously hard, it is the ultimate love on your part not to want him to suffer any more and I am sure he will know this. 
Take care and yes it is very good to have a good cry...and then another...and another....

 Sharon